2 Weeks Fucking Oneself = Tennis Elbow

Who knew that giving a one star review on Goodreads could be so, je ne sais quoi, dramatic?  Highschool-ic?

I am an avid reader and go through books very quickly.  However, if a book fails to grab me within the first few chapters, I tend to put it to the side to theoretically read later.  Rarely does later ever come.

This was the case for, Time is Relative for a Knight of Time by Brett Williams.  I'm not saying that the writing was bad, merely that it just wasn't my cup of tea.  And so, I gave a one star review and put it on my "couldn't finish" bookshelf in Goodreads.  At this point, I would like to bring to the jury's attention that I have rated several other books as one star, including the wildly popular, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.  I couldn't finish that one either... but maybe it's because I suck and know nothing about writing.

A few months after rating the Time is Relative for a Knight of Time [TIRFAKOT], I received a certain Brett Williams with the subject line of "Seriously?" and the body of the message, a quaint, "Fuck you."

At first, I was confused as to why I was supposed to be fucking myself.  I replied with the question, "Will do. But what am I fucking myself over?" (I know, I know.  I ended my question in a preposition.  Shut your face.), and then went off to do some research.  It turns out that Mr. Williams was the author of TIRFAKOT, (doesn't that look like it should be a bed or coffee table from Ikea?)

After two very long, arduous weeks of fucking myself, I finally heard back about my sin.

Brett said to you: You were the first reviewer of my first fiction work - and you gave it one star. Not only that, but you admit to not finishing it. Tell me, what have you ever accomplished? I see you have a child in your profile picture; I'll assume it is your child. How would you feel if someone designated your child as 'less than' before they were even old enough to speak? I said 'fuck you' because all you did was try to undercut a new author. You took it upon yourself to be the first to review something that you did NOT finish. How petty is that? I'm alright with you not liking my work, but to do what you did is.. pitiful. I hope you never see any fruits come from your labors. Ever.

Now, honestly, I had no idea that a one star review without going into detail was considered to be bad form on Goodreads.  Seriously, the only thing that saved the few chapters that I did read was the editing, (I read before and after).  And so, as punishment for my social networking sins, I will sell my crotchfruit, Ben & Soph to the highest bidder and go write a crappy book, (or maybe I'll just stick with this crappy blog).  And maybe one day, if I work really really not so hard, I'll be as good of a writer as Brett Williams.  *squinchy-wishy face*

Edited to add:
I'm sorry, I just don't think peace is in the cards....

  you said to Brett:
See? I'm a crappy writer too. www.unfitparenting.com

Now that we have something in common, let's be friends.

Brett said to you:
Dude, you have KILLED my books presence on GoodReads. Your 'friends' are following your lead and writing horrible reviews too. Not to say I'm not to blame, but turning the other cheek only goes so far.

So, thank you, I suppose. Now I can give up and move on. 

Brett said to you:
Nice blog, btw. Seriously, aside from the attack on my character I really enjoyed it.

you said to Brett:
You don't have to give up & move on. You just need thicker skin and to not be a douchebag. If someone's review bothers you, the professional response would be a private message asking what it was about the book they didn't like. "Fuck you" is just a bit crass for someone who is supposed to be eloquent for a living. 

Brett said to you:
Perhaps you are correct.

Though you must admit that your course of scorched earth (posting negative comments about me and my work throughout Amazon, Goodreads, and your blog) was just as childish.

Brett said to you:
Regardless, if I offended you or your children personally, than I sincerely apologize. I do, however, believe you went too far.

On a lighter note, I seriously thought about publicizing your blog. BUT that would be beneficial to you, and you are literally taking business away from me.

Wish we could have worked this out in a more adult manner. I take full blame for my part. 

you said to Brett:
I wasn't offended, just shocked. And my children aren't offended because the oldest doesn't have internet access and the youngest still poops her pants. I just find social networking to be intriguing. I'll speak to my friends about removing their reviews.

Brett said to you:
No worries here.

Look, it was an off handed comment. I do not check Goodreads, Amazon, etc very often and yours is the first negative review to be posted. I wrote that to you because your review seemed so.. vindictive. Or at least that's how I perceived it. I spent a LONG time on that book, and for you to tell the world it's 'good' or 'bad' without finishing it really hurt.

I'm shocked that YOU took it so far. Obviously, we are both at fault. Either way, it doesn't bother me as much as it's bothered others (someone named Kat really likes you..)

This is all before I knew of, or read your blog. Your personality kinda speaks for itself.. something I believe all writers are out to accomplish. NOW your review makes more sense to me. It's just your way.. just your style.

The Amazon review did piss me off, and I would really appreciate it if you removed the profanity from it (as I've already gotten two emails from them warning me about it). But it's all good otherwise.

Have a nice day.