"Raised in a brothel in the New Orleans red light district, one could hardly blame Beaverhausen for falling victim to the trappings of a derelict lifestyle. After finding faith at a Pentecostal snake handling revival, Beaverhausen turned her life around and she shares her tales with us. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll hug your kids a little tighter." - Heywood Jablome - The Tijuana Times

"Beaverhausen has transformed my life with her inspirational accounts of child-rearing. I previously bathed my six kids every night, felt extreme guilt when they cried over having none of their five daddies around, and berated my self worth for not keeping an Architectural Digest home.
But now: I relax in my toy strewn home, knocking back my 4th glass of merlot while my 12 yr old rubs my aching corns. I threaten to leash my kids to the radiator and feel great! Oh, I raise my unshaven yeti-leg to you."
- Kallera Hoor

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Fairies Did It

Paci Pit post can be found here!
They say that a baby should be weaned from a pacifier before they turn one year old.  This was totally my plan, I swear.  But then she got so attached to her damned “sassies,” and to tell you the truth, I was more terrified of taking the sassy from her than I would be taking one from a rabid beaver.  While my limbs are a tad chubby and rippled with the odd cellulite dimple, I’d like to keep them as they help me drink wine.

And then she turned two years old, I was determined to ditch those germ riddled mute buttons, but then, you know… the rabid beaver.  Nevermind.  Let’s just say sassies are only for bedtime and we’d try again when she turned three.

Happy third birthday, Sophia Maria Banana Fo Fanna!  Woot woot!  Let’s give your sassies to the tiny babies who are so, so sad and need them!  She’s mastered the art of raising an eyebrow while her eyes say, “Bitch, you be trippin.”  Beavers. Are. Scary.

But then!  But then, what if I had no control over the disappearance of the sassies?  What if I could pass this parenting shit off on the “fairies” who scour freezers for sassies? (Yes, I kept the pacifiers in the freezer in the hopes that the freezing temps might kill the millions of germs after she’d swipe it off the floor of a public restroom.)

It’s now been a full week without a sassy at bedtime.  I must say, she’s taking it better than I am.  I had a small crying fit as “the fairies” tossed them all “to the babies.”  I honestly felt like I was throwing away her babyhood.  Sigh. 

Anyway, here’s a video I took of her last night.  The sassy subject came up because she was telling me the story of how the fairies took her sassies.  And then when I went to record her, I had to prompt her.  You can obviously tell that she’s thinking, “I JUST told you this, woman.”

1 comment:

  1. That was me when the BA finally went away. The baby bear couldn't eat and we had to share Simon's.