1. Appropriate Carrying Equipment:
After selecting several bottles of sub-par wine, purchased under $12.99 per bottle, be sure to choose the appropriate cloth carrier for your precious loot. Please note that a plastic bag is an improper device in which to carry your Precious and could possibly result in a murder scene in your driveway.
2. Transporting Precious Cargo
Each wine bottle should have its own car seat. NO SHARING! Rear facing, five-point harness is recommended for those who truly love their wine. Any other method of transportation deserves a slap on the ass and the confiscation and donation of the wine to someone more deserving and well scripted in wine safety.
3. Swaddling and Comfort
4. Teaching Children Independence
Gently usher small child out the back door, (remember, there are far too many cars driving willy-nilly down the street to allow the children to camp out on the front lawn. Your child's safety comes first). Be sure to set up a small sleeping area on the deck with a bowl of water. Years later, when they're in therapy, they can at least acknowledge that their basic needs were met.
5. Enjoy your me time
You deserve it! You popped a taint on both of those big ol' noggins. Bottoms up!